Watched 2012 with Siminpal after our interview yesterday afternoon. Yes, the movie was awesome but it kept me thinking of many things. Don't know if it's a good choice to watch it. I'm so scared and touched at times. All my screaming and crying...

It's nov and dec soon. I don't like. The weather is so cold and around me are no longer the same... Especially when it's at night when your parents are asleep. I have to force myself to empty my brain and stop manufacturing thoughts and hope that god would just let me sleep soon. I just managed to turn in but after only a few hours, i woke up with my cheeks and pillow cover wet. No, it's not saliva.

Prom night on monday. I didn't do any preparation at all. I'm not excited about it and i don't think that i'm in a right situation to attend it. But at the same time i don't wish that i'm at home. It only worsen the matter.

Did self-searching when i woke up with a few hours of sleep. I can't believe that i behave like a spoiled brat. Not kid. Totally brat. Only child really kills. So pampered by mom which now makes me a demanding brat. I'm self-fish i'm stupid i'm a nasty girl i'm a bitch i'm a slut i'm hot tempered, that sums up to a horrible person. I shouldn't even have come to this world. Don't come near me. I will hurt you without knowing or knowingly. See, this is the true me. This is what i am. This is how i feel about myself. This is how others feel about me. This is how i should punish myself.